Gardeners are
underpaid. We all know that. They are also often not understood. All
too often I have been involved professionally with a garden where
garden staff are employed but those employing them only have the
dimmest idea of what they do and even less of why they do it. Garden
staff, of course, work outside – so tend to be in isolation from
both any other staff employed or their employers. They work with
living things in an environment which is never predictable, and which
inevitably remains mysterious to those employing them.
Of course people who
are employed, outside, doing things which remain a mystery, they will
get asked to do other things, which appear to those in charge to be
a) more urgent, and b) less of a mystery. In my experience of working
with both large garden owners and gardeners I have come across too
many examples of what could be called 'gardener abuse'. This takes
many forms.
In many cases this
abuse is exacerbated by the problems caused by employers with TMM
(Too Much Money). Just because someone has been very successful in
their particular field, i.e. has made a pile, in no way reflects on
their abilities in any other field. The extremely successful/wealthy
are often dysfunctional and chaotic in fields other than that in
which they have succeeded – indeed are often more so, or they marry
dysfunctional and chaotic people, or employ likewise. Having lots of
money and being D&C can produce some pretty spectacular results.
General Dogsbody
Its winter and there
are pile of chairs in the great hall that need moving back into
storage after that wedding party. There can't be anything useful the
gardener is doing. Get him to move them. Ditto painting, odd DIY.
As any gardener can
tell you, there are plenty of things to do in winter. Try telling the
average employer-of-a-gardener that and their eyes begin to glaze
over. You can see they don't believe you.
Waste Disposal
Gardens are big
places, often big enough to bury, or at least hide, large quantities
of unwanted building materials or other debris, which the local
authority rather inconsiderately charge for removing. And of course
there is the gardener who, because he/she spends all their time
outside knows the best places to bury or hide them. Or burn them. I
once had dealings with a nursing home (since closed down) where one
of the gardener's weekly jobs was to take away and burn all the old
incontinence nappies from the residents. Yes, really.
Vehicle management
One thing those
afflicted by TMM tend to do is to buy too many cars. These need to be
taken out every now and again and 'exercised', though not as much as
horses of course. Some gardeners quite enjoy taking the Bentley out
for a spin every now and again, but it is not exactly horticulture.
Sometimes it all gets a bit too much. I once visited a garden where,
in an out of the way corner, I came across a Hummer parked next to a
Ferrari: all their tyres were flat, they were covered in leaves, and
grass was beginning to grow on the tarmac around them.
Animal Husbandry
The gardener is
outside all the time, as are the animals, so it seems reasonable
enough for the former to look after the latter. Not all the time of
course, just sometimes. Animals are sometimes bought and installed
without much thinking through basic welfare provision, like access to
water or food; inevitably it is the gardener who notices and has to
deal with the situation. Animals tend to escape and if they are sheep
or horses, tend to gravitate to the nice juicy vegetables or tasty
perennials which the gardener has responsibility for, necessitating
the gardener spending rather more time on fencing than gardening.
Childcare
Packing the children
off to boarding school may strike the rest of us as callous (and is
something which tends to horrify non-Brits), but at least (these
days) they are kept amused, safe and stimulated at school. Not always
so if they are at home, especially home and alone. I sometimes think
that many of the children of the extremely wealthy are so neglected
there should be a charity especially for them, a bit like the
charities that have been established in India to look after the
children of drug-addicted western hippies. So it is the gardener they
hang around, either because they are the only other human being on
the premises, or because the housekeeper has had enough of them
hanging around their ankles and sent them outside. Fine, if they can
be gotten interested in what the gardener is doing and in some cases
this can be the beginning of a great gardening life, but not so fine
if they can't be. Or, if they are, as I have heard more than once,
“psychotic spoiled brats” who actually have to be supervised if
they are not to wreak havoc.
Counselling
Actually this is not
so much a problem for the gardener, as the garden designer or
consultant, who is more likely to be seen as
a social equal and therefore someone who one can pour out one's
problems to, especially if one is a neglected spouse (let's face it,
usually a wife), abandoned in a vast house, with no neighbours in
sight, with a load of responsibility you never wanted (managing the
gardener for a start) and an overstocked drinks cabinet.
Garden Design
The distinctions
between what a garden designer does and a gardener does are pretty
hazy to people who don't really know what goes on outside anyway. The
gardener comes in every day, plants stuff, grows stuff, they can do
something with that new bit half way up the drive can't they? One
could get a designer in, but that would be expensive, better get the
gardener to do it.
The other side of the
story
There are the lucky
few who garden for employers who they almost never see, but who pay
them well, resource the garden well, let them plant what they want
and trust them with property while they are away (which is most of
the time). The gardener may feel a bit unappreciated but if they have
the run of an enormous house, can have their friends round every now
and again, have lots of expensive kit to charge around the acres in,
who can complain?
Then there are the
employers who are dedicated gardeners themselves, who work their
socks off, the ones who go to parties painfully aware of the dirt
beneath their fingernails they can't quite get out, but who are
afflicted by hopeless gardeners, who came with good references and
solid CVs, who interviewed well, but are actually.... well what do
they do all day? Sacking them is difficult because of employment
protection legislation.
Finally, there are
those, not that common, but oh so wonderful when you do come across
them, employer-gardener relationships which are truly synergistic:
mutual trust, shared interest, goals you both agree on and
understand. These have made some of the very best gardens.
